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第77章(第1页)

“fitzwilliamdarcy”

ifelizabeth,whenmr.darcygavehertheletter,didnotexpectittocontainarenewalofhisoffers,shehadformednoexpectationatallofitscontents.butsuchastheywere,itmaywellbesupposedhoweagerlyshewentthroughthem,andwhatacontrarietyofemotiontheyexcited.herfeelingsasshereadwerescarcelytobedefined.withamazementdidshefirstunderstandthathebelievedanyapologytobeinhispower;andsteadfastlywasshepersuaded,thathecouldhavenoexplanationtogive,whichajustsenseofshamewouldnotconceal.withastrongprejudiceagainsteverythinghemightsay,shebeganhisaccountofwhathadhappenedatnetherfield.shereadwithaneagernesswhichhardlyleftherpowerofcomprehension,andfromimpatienceofknowingwhatthenextsentencemightbring,wasincapableofattendingtothesenseoftheonebeforehereyes.hisbeliefofhersister’sinsensibilitysheinstantlyresolvedtobefalse;andhisaccountofthereal,theworstobjectionstothematch,madehertooangrytohaveanywishofdoinghimjustice.heexpressednoregretforwhathehaddonewhichsatisfiedher;hisstylewasnotpenitent,buthaughty.itwasallprideandinsolence.

butwhenthissubjectwassucceededbyhisaccountofmr.wickham—whenshereadwithsomewhatclearerattentionarelationofeventswhich,iftrue,mustoverthroweverycherishedopinionofhisworth,andwhichboresoalarminganaffinitytohisownhistoryofhimself—herfeelingswereyetmoreacutelypainfulandmoredifficultofdefinition.astonishment,apprehension,andevenhorror,oppressedher.shewishedtodiscredititentirely,repeatedlyexclaiming,“thismustbefalse!thiscannotbe!thismustbethegrossestfalsehood!”—andwhenshehadgonethroughthewholeletter,thoughscarcelyknowinganythingofthelastpageortwo,putithastilyaway,protestingthatshewouldnotregardit,thatshewouldneverlookinitagain.

inthisperturbedstateofmind,withthoughtsthatcouldrestonnothing,shewalkedon;butitwouldnotdo;inhalfaminutetheletterwasunfoldedagain,andcollectingherselfaswellasshecould,sheagainbeganthemortifyingperusalofallthatrelatedtowickham,andcommandedherselfsofarastoexaminethemeaningofeverysentence.theaccountofhisconnectionwiththepemberleyfamilywasexactlywhathehadrelatedhimself;andthekindnessofthelatemr.darcy,thoughshehadnotbeforeknownitsextent,agreedequallywellwithhisownwords.sofareachrecitalconfirmedtheother;butwhenshecametothewill,thedifferencewasgreat.whatwickhamhadsaidofthelivingwasfreshinhermemory,andassherecalledhisverywords,itwasimpossiblenottofeelthattherewasgrossduplicityononesideortheother;and,forafewmoments,sheflatteredherselfthatherwishesdidnoterr.butwhenshereadandre-readwiththeclosestattention,theparticularsimmediatelyfollowingofwickham'sresigningallpretensionstotheliving,ofhisreceivinginlieusoconsiderableasumasthreethousandpounds,againwassheforcedtohesitate.sheputdowntheletter,weighedeverycircumstancewithwhatshemeanttobeimpartiality—deliberatedontheprobabilityofeachstatement—butwithlittlesuccess.onbothsidesitwasonlyassertion.againshereadon;buteverylineprovedmoreclearlythattheaffair,whichshehadbelieveditimpossiblethatanycontrivancecouldsorepresentastorendermr.darcy'sconductinitlessthaninfamous,wascapableofaturnwhichmustmakehimentirelyblamelessthroughoutthewhole.

theextravaganceandgeneralprofligacywhichhescruplednottolayatmr.wickham'scharge,exceedinglyshockedher;themoreso,asshecouldbringnoproofofitsinjustice.shehadneverheardofhimbeforehisentranceintothe—shiremilitia,inwhichhehadengagedatthepersuasionoftheyoungmanwho,onmeetinghimaccidentallyintown,hadthererenewedaslightacquaintance.ofhisformerwayoflifenothinghadbeenknowninhertfordshirebutwhathetoldhimself.astohisrealcharacter,hadinformationbeeninherpower,shehadneverfeltawishofinquiring.hiscountenance,voice,andmannerhadestablishedhimatonceinthepossessionofeveryvirtue.shetriedtorecollectsomeinstanceofgoodness,somedistinguishedtraitofintegrityorbenevolence,thatmightrescuehimfromtheattacksofmr.darcy;oratleast,bythepredominanceofvirtue,atoneforthosecasualerrorsunderwhichshewouldendeavourtoclasswhatmr.darcyhaddescribedastheidlenessandviceofmanyyears'continuance.butnosuchrecollectionbefriendedher.shecouldseehiminstantlybeforeher,ineverycharmofairandaddress;butshecouldremembernomoresubstantialgoodthanthegeneralapprobationoftheneighbourhood,andtheregardwhichhissocialpowershadgainedhiminthemess.afterpausingonthispointaconsiderablewhile,sheoncemorecontinuedtoread.but,alas!thestorywhichfollowed,ofhisdesignsonmissdarcy,receivedsomeconfirmationfromwhathadpassedbetweencolonelfitzwilliamandherselfonlythemorningbefore;andatlastshewasreferredforthetruthofeveryparticulartocolonelfitzwilliamhimself—fromwhomshehadpreviouslyreceivedtheinformationofhisnearconcerninallhiscousin'saffairs,andwhosecharactershehadnoreasontoquestion.atonetimeshehadalmostresolvedonapplyingtohim,buttheideawascheckedbytheawkwardnessoftheapplication,andatlengthwhollybanishedbytheconvictionthatmr.darcywouldneverhavehazardedsuchaproposal,ifhehadnotbeenwellassuredofhiscousin'scorroboration.

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